NM soccer player Elizabeth Lambert’s hair yanking, punching, and nasty behavior have gone viral. She’s being labeled the “dirtiest player” in women’s soccer and – depending on who’s writing or talking – all of women’s sports.

What makes Lambert’s behavior so outrageous (aside from being captured on video) is that girls are supposed to play nice.

The image of female athletes as more than skilled players – as good, wholesome people – is a centerpiece of women’s sports and a staple of marketing, promotion, and ticket-selling, particularly in basketball and soccer.

This has been both a benefit and a limitation that has helped shape women’s sports as “gentler” fare.

Of course, Lambert is not the first athlete to get in trouble for hair pulling. Last month, Oakland Raider’s defensive tackle Richard Seymour was reportedly fined $7,500 for pulling Broncos tackle Ryan Clady’s hair (also caught on tape). In August, Semi Tadulala, a Fijian rugby player, faced a one match suspension after pulling the ponytail of Eorl Crabtree during play between the Bradford Bulls and Hudderfield Giants.

Hairpulling, like grabbing opponents’ privates in the football pile-up or purposely seeking to injure another player, is blatant dirty play. Unfortunately, nasty play is more common than you’d think, though less so among female athletes.

A study on sportsmanship by the Josephson Institute asked male and female high school athlete about questionable scenarios (test your own sportsmanship here). They found:

–    29 percent of males felt it was all right to “attack” a pre-existing injury of a top scorer on the opposing team (another 22 percent were unsure). Among female athletes, 66 percent knew such behavior was improper.
–  69 percent of males and 55 percent of females felt it was all right for a hockey coach to put a player on the ice specifically to intimidate opponents and protect the team’s players.
–   43 percent of males and 22 percent of females believed it was okay for a basketball coach to teach young players how to illegally push and hold in ways that were difficult for referees to detect.

A family-friendly, role-model-for-kids image hardly holds up with someone like Lambert on the field. On the other hand, this is likely the first time SportsCenter, the NFL pre-game show on Fox (from Afghanistan no less!), and thousands of sports talk radio shows across the country gave air time to women’s college soccer.

This is where men’s sports (and the broadcasters whose definition of “hockey highlights” are on-ice brawls) could use a little self-reflection. As a society and fans who value fair play, we should spend some airtime and outrage on bad on-field behavior among male athletes, too. The integrity of players — male and female — is what makes sports bigger than the game.

Because we can all benefit from hearing serious young female athlete voices, we connected with three talented basketball players who just finished nine days at the summer academy run by the non-profit SportsChallenge Leadership & Education Alliance in Washington, D.C. Director Molly Hellerman (a former college athlete and pro soccer player for the Houston Tornadoes and the Chelsea Ladies FC) says the organization uses soccer and basketball to explicitly teach leadership and getting-along-with-different-people skills. “Sports offer girls the opportunity to practice being leaders,” she says.

Diamond Santana-Williams (top left, 12th grade, NYC, small forward) started playing basketball in 5th grade but “didn’t really take it seriously until I reached high school.” Now, she says, “I play with more heart than most players.” Katie Gallagher (top right, in background, 12th grade, Philadelphia, PA, guard) started playing when she was five because three older brothers played and says hard work and desire make her good. Devin Duprey (bottom, 12th grade, Middletown, DE, guard) began playing basketball in 6th grade and works to connect with teammates on and off the court.

FGN: How many of your female friends play a sport?

DS-W: A good amount play sports – but they only play at school as part of the school team and not in the neighborhood. I get frustrated when I’m in my neighborhood and none of my female friends play basketball on the local courts. I want to play basketball and I want to have girls like me playing, too.

FGN: What do you like best about playing a sport and being on a team?

DS-W: Sport is an easy place to make new friends. Also, it keeps me out of my neighborhood and out of trouble. Being part of the team, I have become a more responsible, dedicated and strong person.

KG: I love the sense of accomplishment I feel within myself when I play basketball and learn a new move. Also, I love how I have a second family of teammates who have my back.

DD: The relationships I gain from being on a team are what make sports so important to me. My teammates are my best friends and role models.

FGN: What is the connection between sports and leadership?

DS-W: In sports, there are many times when you have to “step-up” and be a leader – on and off the court. For example, in a game when a teammate or the team isn’t playing as well as they could, a leader needs to address it head-on, figure out what is wrong, try to fix it and create the intensity that is needed.

KG: Through sports I have become a much better leader because on the court I am not afraid to speak up. This has helped me become more outgoing. Through sports I have also learned to work together with all types of people.

DD: I believe that the characteristics of a great athlete directly correlate with those of a great leader. I also think that in order to have an effective team, there must be leadership in action on the court or field.

FGN: How do you think being a female athlete (and not a male athlete) shapes your experience?

DS-W: I feel like I always have to prove myself. Many guys my age will challenge me or think they can challenge me on the courts. Being a female athlete drives me to do better and I love it when they are surprised to see me compete just as hard and play just as smart as they do. They often underestimate our abilities.

DD: Being a female athlete makes me stronger. Female athletes are not recognized at the same rate that men are recognized. We have to have inner confidence in all that we do.

FGN: How has playing a sport helped you grow?

KG: Basketball has made me a much more accepting person. I have met many different people through basketball and at a young age I learned that things like ethnicity do not matter on the court.

DD: My freshman year of high school my sister was my volleyball coach. Later that year she passed away from complications after a car accident. From having her as a coach and sharing a love and passion for volleyball (and basketball) sports have become a way to connect with her.

FGN: What are your future plans?

DS-W: I want to go to a good college, play on the basketball team and get my degree. I want to become an athlete that other girls and boys look up to. I want to become a social worker and open up my own center for kids to help them deal with relationship abuse. I want to be successful. But above all, I want to have my mom with me to share my blessings.

KG: As an athlete, I would love to continue playing in college, either intramural, club or varsity.  Sports however are not the most important thing. I hope to become a nurse.

DD: In college I want to study education and Chinese. I also know how big basketball has become in China and I hope because I know the game I will be able to teach English as a second language, share my love of basketball, and teach young children in China the game.

US Squash board chair Jeanne Blasberg

Jeanne Blasberg is Board Chair, of U.S. Squash and plays at state and national levels. Recently, she has been kind enough to teach my friend Ashley and I the game of doubles squash, which is all together different from singles. Ashley and I just competed at the inaugural U25 National Doubles Championship in Greenwich, CT. Here’s what Blasberg, 43, has to say about growing women’s squash, playing alongside her children – and (ala Tiger Woods) revamping her strokes.

FGN: My impression is that US Squash is trying to retain female players post-college. What is US Squash doing to keep and attract women?

Blasberg: Yes, increasing women’s participation and membership is one of our strategic priorities.  Right now women are a small percentage of our membership (15% of about 11,000) whereas at the college level, about 35-40% of the players are female. According to industry estimates there are 300,000 squash players in the U.S. We have a strategic goal to increase U.S. Squash membership to 20,000 by 2012.

Our goal is to keep women playing. Formats like the adult Howe Cup are successful because people like being part of a team and they like the social aspect.  We need to emulate that feel in other events. Many women play for the “fun” rather than the competition after it is no longer required in school or as a junior.  So we need events and formats that take the pressure off.  We also need to be sensitive to price and time commitment for tournaments.

At the same time, we are trying to build out the under 23, under 25 events as a bridge after college.  US Squash is thinking about free/low cost membership for early 20-somethings. We’re also trying to get health club owners to build squash courts because private clubs are too expensive for young adults.  Having a cheaper, public club option is important.

FGN: As a non-collegiate athlete who is very involved in highly competitive squash, what do you get out of the experience?

Blasberg: I was a college field hockey (2 –year team captain) and lax player. I also ran track and played on the squash team my senior year so I wouldn’t say I was not a college athlete! In fact, I got 10 varsity letters at Smith. I started playing squash my junior year when I met my future husband who was a squash player at Amherst.  I am a competitive person and need a healthy outlet for that.  Sharing a sport with my husband, friends, and children is an amazing way to spend time together.

FGN: Do you play squash with any of your children?

Blasberg: Yes, all three play and it is a real joy to be on court with them.  My 13-year -old son and I made it to the semi’s of the state parent-child tournament. I am proud to say I was the only Mom in the parent-child!  My 15-year-old plays at Exeter and is getting quite serious.  We plan to play and drill a lot this summer.  It is very special for a mother to have sports to share with her boys. My 11-year-old daughter has the talent to be quite good.  I am proud to be competing and having my kids watch me.  They gain a certain respect for women and women athletes — and for me! They know I work hard in order to play at a high level.  I can also be a good example of fair play, when to play a let or give a point, how to win and lose gracefully.

FGN: Would you encourage collegiate squash players to continue playing after college?

Blasberg: Yes!! Play after college.  If you stay fit, squash is a sport you can improve at so much in your thirties and forties.  I made the breakthrough from being a “B” player to an “A” player when I was in my late 30′s (after giving birth to three children).  The game is very mental and wisdom and experience add so much.  In fact as I get older, I love to enter tournaments where I will be playing people who are half my age (it provides a great incentive to win).  Don’t give up squash after college because you haven’t come anywhere near hitting your peak.

FGN: What do you love about competing?

Blasberg: When I walk onto a court, I can be anywhere in the world and the dimensions of the court are a constant for me, very grounding. (You will feel that in Israel this summer.  You will be thrown into a totally new environment, yet the game and the court are the same and very calming in that way). Playing requires a presence that I strive for in other practices such as yoga or playing the piano – this presence is so calming and peaceful.

FGN: How is your game these days?

Blasberg: I have been working very hard at the technical components of my game. Since I didn’t learn as a child, I didn’t have the greatest foundation in squash.  I counted more on my fitness and strength to help me rise through the rankings.  Now at the age of 43, I have taken two lessons a week for over a year to just to focus on redoing my strokes (I figured if Tiger Woods had the courage to take his swing apart, I could probably risk it too).  Fitness won’t take me any higher because at this point it has to all be about technique and shot selection.  So you see, it is one game, but it keeps changing and presenting new challenges.

FGN: We had SO much fun at the U25 Doubles. We need more tournaments.

Blasberg: Glad the doubles weekend was fun! You should definitely keep it up. I have been playing dubs only four years and I feel like I made a huge jump in my doubles game this year.

FGN: Thank you.

Blasberg: Good luck.

Sarah Odell is a junior at Wellesley College who will represent the U.S. this July in Squash at the Maccabi Games in Israel.

If women play sports, they will get hurt. This is a seemingly innocuous statement, but it’s one that draws strong reactions because it derives many connotations and reactions, especially given the number of high profile articles and books published recently regarding the injury rates of females in sport. The subject has become a new favorite for writers intent on stirring up controversy over the obvious.

I have just completed one of the most provocative books on this topic, Michael Sokolove’s Warrior Girls. Mr. Sokolove kept me interested for the first hundred and fifty or so pages, looking at the injury rates of elite female athletes in comparison with their male counterparts.

He considered Title IX, and how the unintended consequences of the law have ceded control of women’s athletics to men, and created a male-centric sports culture and training environment in women’s sports. Good point. The subject is especially relevant to me because I’ve played squash for 10 years and suffered a season ending injury this year.

This last fall, after playing in three competitions for Wellesley College, I was diagnosed with a herniated disc in the thoracic section of my back. This diagnosis came after seeing six specialists, (five of whom were male), underwent a year of tests, experienced excruciating pain, and – probably worst of all — that pervasive feeling that maybe it wasn’t my body that was letting me down, but my psyche.

Did I just have a low pain tolerance? No one, I mean nobody could actually find anything wrong with me, so maybe I was just a weak female? So I sucked it up and did what I think a lot of female athletes do: I kept my mouth shut, because I wanted to play.

Then, my right leg went numb on me twice in one week. My coach (by the way, the only female coach I’ve had), was firm:

“You have to get an MRI,” she said, “and you have to figure this out.” With the help of a spine specialist who didn’t lose interest when she saw that the problem was not operable and a physical therapist, we got to the bottom of the problem. And not a moment too soon either; if I had continued to play with the herniated disc I may have ended up with permanent nerve damage, or loss of control over my lower extremities.

When I picked up Sokolove’s book, I couldn’t put it down. OK, I even cried when the athletes he covered were told that their careers were over. I could feel their pain. Sokolove’s theories on male coaches taking over female athletes seemed to fit with my own experience—I had worked and trained with men in my ten years in squash, and at Wellesley was working with a woman for the first time.

I agreed that the culture of women’s athletics needed to change: as young women we needed to be benched when we were in pain, not encouraged or rather heralded for playing through life altering injuries. Given that most majority of us will not become professional athletes, is it really worth it to have permanent leg, back or hip problems? I agreed with Sokolove (and so does my coach).

But here’s my problem: Sokolve concluded — at the end, after he had worked so hard to research and consider the history of women’s sports — that it was the parents of elite female athletes that had to change. He stated, in the end, that  as parents it was their responsibility to take a more active role and prevent their children from playing through injuries.

I was stunned and angered. How 1950s of him to say that we needed some sort of authority figure to tell us females what to do. I wondered if he also was going to recommend that I get married right after college because it’s easier to bear children when you are in your early twenties.

As a young woman who has suffered a serious injury, I can tell you that it is not the parents that need to change. I’ve watched parents cringe and blink with every step their daughters take on the field. But what I’ve also witnessed, and even been told by coaches, is to “play through it.”

It is this attitude, one driven by a male- centric athletic environment that values the image of the wounded warrior, that needs to end. And it can. The first person to ever tell me not to play through it was my college squash coach.

As female athletes we need to give the reins back to female athletes and create a female-centric athletic culture that values competition, hard work — and the courage it takes  to say, “you know what coach? This injury isn’t worth it, and I’m going to sit this one out.” As an athlete who had to do that this year, I can tell you that takes more courage than going out there and playing through it.

Sarah Odell is a junior at Wellesley College who will represent the U.S. this July in Squash at the Maccabi Games in Israel.