Here we go again. Baylor’s Brittney Griner’s outrageous act last Wednesday – the now-viral YouTube image of her socking Texas Tech’s Jordan Barncastle after the two jostled beneath the basket – has some wondering: What’s going on in women’s sports?

We had foul-mouthed Serena last summer, and then the pontytail pull in November. But instead of gasping and getting all whipped up over girls fighting, let’s look at what’s happening during college competition. (And why it may be a bigger problem in men’s college sports — did we already forget last year when Houston’s Aubrey Coleman foot-stomped Arizona’s Chase Budinger? video here).

Point One: Bad (and, yes, sometimes dangerous) behavior by college athletes occur at all levels of play — and starts in youth sports. (Read study abstract here or check out the story last month of the gym-clearing brawl involving 30 adults and children during a high school-level youth basketball game in Upstate NY). The NCAA Division III Annual Report for 2008-2009 records “conduct fouls,” and clearly shows this is a dramatically greater problem among male athletes.

– Average yellow cards issued to players was 18.35 per team for men compared with 3.89 for women; red cards issued to players (per team) was 0.98 for men; and 0.17 for women.

– In DIII basketball, men’s teams averaged 3.4 technical fouls per institution while women’s teams averaged less than a fifth as many at 0.64 per team.

– And in DIII ice hockey, men averaged 4.27 misconduct calls per institution, well above the women’s 0.45 misconduct calls by referees.

– Dr. Brian Crossman, ethics committee head for the National Soccer Coaches Association (representing 2,500 men’s and women’s teams in the NCAA plus NAIA, NCAA, and NJCAA) says there is a red card issued in one of every 10 soccer matches, and represents three consecutive years of increases. He sees “a growing disconnect between the severity and number of red card ejections and the standards of conduct” expected of players. Read his take here.

– NCAA data on DI women’s basketball technical and flagrant fouls shows unsportsmanlike conduct among players at its highest point in three years in 2008-2009 (306 called, up from 161 in 2006-2007, and 257 in 2007-2008). In the NJCAA, according to a recent report, last year there were 101 ejections in all of women’s sports with 37 identified as “violent” — while men’s sports tallied dramatically more with 648 ejections, 177 “violent.”

Point Two: College athlete conduct is troubling enough that some NCAA governing bodies are clamping down on bad behavior, including:

– Last month, the Men’s and Women’s Water Polo Rule Subcommittee decided to toughen penalties for rough play, increasing the length of suspensions from one to two games for those participating in a fight.

– The NCAA Football Rules Committee endorsed a proposal last month that would make unsportsmanlike behavior – including “a taunting gesture to an opponent on the way to scoring a touchdown” a live-ball foul that could nullify the TD and penalize the offenders from the spot of the foul.

– While we are on “taunting,” let’s recognize that Brittney Griner’s punch did not come out of the blue, but in an environment in which she’s been verbally and physically harangued on the court and from the stands.

Point Three: If we believe competitive sports teach lessons that matter as much off the field as on, then let’s not just sit back and hope lessons emerge. A 19-year-old freshman like Griner may not intuitively be able to handle the pressure (including expectations that she is the future of women’s basketball), without explicit support. If press reports are even half right, Griner will someday be both a superstar and a stand-up person. But players (especially those with targets on their uniforms) must be taught to shrug off trash talk and physical contact under the basket; not everyone is comes to college play with that skill.

College fight songs evoke battle. Just past the rally call of brass and bass drums, athletes push themselves to the edge of physical ability. Griner was absolutely wrong to throw the punch, but in the heat of intense competition she is not the only college athlete with troubling conduct.  She just happens to be the one we’re watching right now on YouTube.

It bugs me. I drive by the fields in my town – and I only see men coaching the soccer teams.  Don’t get me wrong. It’s wonderful when dads share quality time with their daughters and sons. But where are the moms?

Even in the backyard, it’s dad shooting hoops and playing catch. How can we get moms outside to play?

Our daughters now have the opportunity to play a variety of sports, but we still have too few female role models to guide them.  Showing girls that they can be strong, active, and capable women starts at home, with mothers.

Dolly Ryan (photo), did play basketball in high school and college and now coordinates the 7th and 8th grade youth basketball program in her community. She’s working to creating a co-coaching model that includes at least one female and one male coach for each team. Ryan says she “hopes that through youth basketball more mothers will see they can contribute through youth sports.” Most coaches are dads, she says.

Having moms in coaching positions, says Ryan, brings a valuable balance to a program, helping to “reflect what town sports should be about, i.e. community, having fun, living a healthy lifestyle, challenging yourself, being respectful of refs and coaches – and representing the town in a positive light both on and off the court.”

Contrary to popular belief, you can coach even if you haven’t played the sport. And – truly – your participation matters.  Just in case you need the nudge, here are six reasons why it’s beneficial for your daughters to see you coach:

1.    Doing something together other than shopping at the mall is a fun and alternative way to bond.
2.    She will see you as a whole new person (not just the one upset by the messy room) including as a skilled sportsperson, something we value in our society.
3.    You will feel important and proud of yourself – particularly if it’s a new sport for you.  (Note: When you feel good, your daughter will notice!)
4.    You can share firsthand in your daughter’s accomplishments as an athlete, plus she’ll develop her own self-confidence by wanting to show off her skills!
5.    Learning about your daughter’s sport allows you to be an educated fan and cheerleader.  Dads need not have a monopoly on sports knowledge and when you can talk about the passing game or staying goal-side when defending, she’ll notice.  It will take you from mom role to mentor role.
6.    Mothers can make great mentors, especially when daughters pursue sports.  And the benefits can go both ways. Getting involved in your daughter’s sport may inspire you to ramp up your own activity level. It can be an opportunity to get back to something you love or to redefine yourself!

Emilie Liebhoff is a former co-captain of Dartmouth College women’s ice hockey, mother of two daughters, and founder of Moms as Mentors and the Director of Strategic Initiatives at the National Coalition of Girls’ Schools.

NM soccer player Elizabeth Lambert’s hair yanking, punching, and nasty behavior have gone viral. She’s being labeled the “dirtiest player” in women’s soccer and – depending on who’s writing or talking – all of women’s sports.

What makes Lambert’s behavior so outrageous (aside from being captured on video) is that girls are supposed to play nice.

The image of female athletes as more than skilled players – as good, wholesome people – is a centerpiece of women’s sports and a staple of marketing, promotion, and ticket-selling, particularly in basketball and soccer.

This has been both a benefit and a limitation that has helped shape women’s sports as “gentler” fare.

Of course, Lambert is not the first athlete to get in trouble for hair pulling. Last month, Oakland Raider’s defensive tackle Richard Seymour was reportedly fined $7,500 for pulling Broncos tackle Ryan Clady’s hair (also caught on tape). In August, Semi Tadulala, a Fijian rugby player, faced a one match suspension after pulling the ponytail of Eorl Crabtree during play between the Bradford Bulls and Hudderfield Giants.

Hairpulling, like grabbing opponents’ privates in the football pile-up or purposely seeking to injure another player, is blatant dirty play. Unfortunately, nasty play is more common than you’d think, though less so among female athletes.

A study on sportsmanship by the Josephson Institute asked male and female high school athlete about questionable scenarios (test your own sportsmanship here). They found:

–    29 percent of males felt it was all right to “attack” a pre-existing injury of a top scorer on the opposing team (another 22 percent were unsure). Among female athletes, 66 percent knew such behavior was improper.
–  69 percent of males and 55 percent of females felt it was all right for a hockey coach to put a player on the ice specifically to intimidate opponents and protect the team’s players.
–   43 percent of males and 22 percent of females believed it was okay for a basketball coach to teach young players how to illegally push and hold in ways that were difficult for referees to detect.

A family-friendly, role-model-for-kids image hardly holds up with someone like Lambert on the field. On the other hand, this is likely the first time SportsCenter, the NFL pre-game show on Fox (from Afghanistan no less!), and thousands of sports talk radio shows across the country gave air time to women’s college soccer.

This is where men’s sports (and the broadcasters whose definition of “hockey highlights” are on-ice brawls) could use a little self-reflection. As a society and fans who value fair play, we should spend some airtime and outrage on bad on-field behavior among male athletes, too. The integrity of players — male and female — is what makes sports bigger than the game.